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002-
Does it still count at 3 in the morning?
19/02/2009
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I want to keep this short. It's late and I have more to do on this website and it's just gone 3 in the morning. But now the OCD has kicked in and I'm forced to blog every day for the rest of my LIFE.

Let me just start by finishing off what I started yesterday- diaries. Horrible, horrible things, only useful in about 10 years time when you go 'Ooh this is interesting lets see what happened 10 years ago. Oh. Well, that sucks. Oh look at my spelling! Did I REALLY think that? Oh I had better scribble this out. This is just embarrassing. Wait why am I scribbling this out? it's not as if anybody else is going to see this, but what about me in the future? Will I be ashamed in the future? Angry at myself? Is it possible to have a grudge against myself from 10 years ago? Starting now? Oh let's just put this diary away again.'.

Trust me, what happened last year on this date doesn't alter what's going to happen today, as much as I'd like it to. Though I've found that New Years Eves have been consistently RUBBISH for me. I mean, back in 2000 it was cool. I was limited to a 9 o clock bed time normally and it was a novelty to stay up till 12, playing on my ATARI as my cousins came around with their Nintendo 64 to play Golden Eye. Since then it's just been a case of clearing up after Christmas and preparing to go back to school / college / University. Argh, where's my life gone? Not that I'm upset with it- school was an utter waste of time, and college wasn't really good until the last year, though I'm having nostalgic memories about it now. University isn't as good as it's meant to be. I guess it's because I find it hard to make new friends. I've spent more time online, talking to my old friends on Team Speak, than I have with people around University. Some of the best memories I've had at University have been playing Arma with friends I've known for years. I'd rather have a couple of close friends than a load of semi friends who you say 'hi' to as you walk past in the corridors.

Nostalgia is a horrible thing. It makes you look back so fondly on past events. I remember college from the music I listened to as I walked to and fro. The fantastic sunrise you'd be able to see as the college is based on a hill. The ambitions for 4 and 5 ball juggling as I stood in the corner of the socialising room during lunch times. It's better than wasting your life talking to people and queuing for the pool tables.

In fact, the only thing I like about University is that I know what I know now. I feel I've learnt a lot of hard lessons and I've finally found myself in life. I've been making games for 8 years, yet I haven't made any decent ones until about half a year ago. I suddenly have a purpose in life. I'm never bored, constantly making new things. I'm slowly coming around to the fact that I'm going to be a recluse who would rather play Max Payne 2 at 3 in the morning than I would dance in a nightclub. Both scenarios involve the same amount of alcohol, though the Max Payne 2 night is far cheaper. And more sociable. And you don't have to walk home at the end.

There is one thing you can use to combat nostalgia. A diary. The cause of, and solution to, the most frustrating things I've experienced recently, a diary is a nightmare to keep up with. Slipping behind is just like having your hard drive crash, or (I guess) splitting up with a girlfriend. It consumes you, you keep thinking about it and although you COULD do something about it, you just... can't be bothered. Oh well. It's now 8 minutes past 3. So much for a short blog. I could have written up half a page of my diary in the time it's taken to write this.

     
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